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winter!

weeee! mt.high is opened and alexis and are going to mammoth this winter wee o weee!

today, thoughts, contemplating?

today was a good day. i helped ta my last class for a little bit and went home early. alexis and bryan carpooled from school home. alexis and i squeezed in my dads small fancy car. we went to korean food and it was so gewd! we came home i took a a nap and alexis said i was having a conversation to her in my sleep hahah ew. we went to starfunks and met up with jason and he bought us food. every thursday is our vampire diaries night.... and the main guy in there is such a babe, mmm. and im stil contemplating about what school im gonna go to and i cant make up my mind. i want to go to pasadena city college and take full units to experience different subjects but i also want to go to the school of arts for culinary to be a chef in la and i want to go to long beach junior college so ahh how do i know?!!!
but i told my mom tonight i loved and miss her and i forgive her. i realized last night i needed to move on from my past and not to ever forget my past to just not be troubled by it. it took me along time to learn how to "let go" i still dont quite understand it but im doing what i can to move on. theres still that one person who affected me so much in my past. its silly i know but im terrified of telling that certain person how i feel and how much he impacted my life and that everyday memories and such go through my mind, i just dont know how to let that go how to completely let go of everything and to move on. i guess everything takes time but ive been patient and its confusing sometimes. im also really glad i have alexis, steve,skot, and bobby without them i wouldnt have been able to get this far with letting go; our coffee times, smoke seshs, our wine gathering on the porch, wes anderson films, and good talks will come sewn enough <3 lub yew

dreams

so many weird dreams these past few days i looked up alot of what was in my dream and oddly it makes alot of sense and alexis and brother are having weird dreams too!

such bebs

<3

de bboop ba dabeep

so i officially hate my job. i copied hundreds of papers today for about an hour and a half sitting there then for another 30 minutes making the papers i copied neat. this job for me is just temporary so i can save up enough money to go to seattle and to move out in august so i guess i just have to push through and be thankful i even have a job right now. but i went to starfunks after work and headed to my alexis's and we talked about our crazy dreams we have been having and looked up the meanings and they really are so true. we went to yoshinoya and i was looking forward to some yummy miso soup when we got back to her house i told her dog to give me a hug and she knocked my miso over and ate it all :/ we also watched funniest home videos and it was alright. now were watching 2 fast 2 furious and talking about how good this makes us feel.....

thomas!

yesterday thomas and i decided to take a halloween picture.... zombiee keety!

best fwends....

we can read each others mind tehe.....

razzle dazzle rose

"we all carry within us our lace of exile, our crimes, our ravages. our task is not to unleash them on the world, it is to transform them in ourselves and other." -albert camus

today is a nice day it actually feels like were getting into winter and its amazing! life has been weird lately or just messy. i realized alot of things lately and i just been so incredibly numb these past few days and wondered why. i think memories, thoughts, happy thoughts, sad ones, and just being overwhelmed with life right now is the reason. i get attatched to people easily and i think its because im afraid of abandonment from past experiences but i cant be like this because in the end all i will have is myself and to love myself. friends and relationships come and go... but the ones who ride this rollercoaster with me in life are the ones who are genuine the ones who will stay and that you can completely put your guard down and give an equal amount of love to another and im pretty sure i found some bestfriends that i can feel that way with. chai luff yew guys....

hoot

"to be nobody but myself in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting" - ee cummings

a thousand years

so its 8:20 right now i dont need to leave to school till 9 and im happy about how i dont have a first anymore and for some reason when i have late start i tend to wake up early, earlier than usual. its odd. i quit smoking the other day and i must say the first few days are the hardest and that i need to take this by year but be positive about it. i am currently drinking my coffee and listening to the books. im under the blankies and it feels oh so good right now. im so thankful for my best fwend alexis hernandez. i dont know what i would do without her everyday and i hope you stay my friend forever. i miss you steve, bobby, adge, skot and tata very much. i think about you guys everyday and i dont know what i would of done without you guys. you guys pulled me out of the deep hole i was in and without you guys i wouldnt have had the strength to do that. im excited and looking forward to my mom coming down for thanksgiving i havent talked to her or seen her in a very long time and i hope it goes well :D i met someone new and i fancy him alot. i like how hes different and that he understands me when im awkward orbeing stubborn. he makes me smile everyday and im glad i met yew.