last nite.today.tonight.

hmmm well last night my mom called me saying im gonna pick her up from the airport on Thanksgiving and i was really excited/nervous. alexis and i were waiting for shrinking heads to come on net geo that night too. emilio came over later and we went for smokes and talks outside. it was fweeezing! i wrapped my face in a scarf and my legs were bare so it was useless! i was really excited because her dad had really good chocolate in his cupbard and i stole a bar and hid it under the blankies and ate it. i ate it too fast so it hurt my tummy alot. i was really really happy and excited because i thought this thursday was thanksgiving and i thought i was gonna see my mom then till i realized it was next thursday it bummed me out alot but at least alexis texted me(who was sitting on the same couch as me next to mil) telling me funnies. the shrinking heads show pretty much ruled. i came home and started to do my laundry and clean my room until something suprising happened which made my heart drop. i just listened to my music closely and cleaned my room so i wouldnt think about it so much. i ended up watching no reservations and going for a smoke and finishing the movie. i planned on going to bed early that night so i can finally get good sleep and that i didnt start school till really late. that suprise that hapened earlier that night kept running through my mind through my memories. i stayed up going over those memories and thoughts as if it was a movie. it was really lame. i didnt sleep till 2 30 i woke up early too -_- well today was thuper awethome. school was good and alexis FINALLY got her license today and saw a man who looked like brandon boyd at the dmv...mmmm. i feel like these blogs dont make much sense but anyways they are for me.

p.s. i want to go to the mountains alweady!!! :[

I miss you.

i wish things weren't so messy in my head. maybe im not thinking clearly but im going with my advice from my loved ones and from myself. i know i need to let go and finally move on. i think i always love that one person though no matter what. a few years up the road i know i will still have that special place in my heart for that person. i hope he will understand....hmpf.

miss you,

you can't reach me because im so behind you today

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
fotos from the weekend :]

i havent wrote in here in a while. well i definately needed this weekend and it was nice finally relaxing and just catching a bit of a break. friday alexis and i just went to hangout with our friends kenny and d lo we blazed a little and we left early and i had to drive home. for some reason i get really scared of driving even when im the slightest of faded. we went to starbucks and we got a lemon loaf and a drink and just chilled. we watched a movie and just relaxed the rest of the night. saturday josue came over to alexis's house really early. he had his wisdom teeth pulled and his cheecks lewked sew cute. he brought us pancakes which were awwmazing. later i wanted to drive to garden grove to eat at my favorite tofu house for korean food. we went to my old friend alex's kickback in orange county and had a few drinks and just met up with alot of my old friends from there. alexis had to drive back and we had an awthome jam sesh on the way back tew. sunday we went shopping for winter clothes and got a few stuff and i hate the mall. later i went to visit daniel that night and i watched the hangover for my first time and canoodled. . his mom was the best and really sweet. we went to get dinner later at fizzolis and it was sew good. ive been thinking about my plans for the apartment and who will be rooming with alexis skot and I we need one more person which might be my brother :] wee.

halloween

so i spent my halloween weekend at my bestfriend alexis's house. we didn't really have much in store for us except to just dress up and meet up with a few people. alexis's was alice in wonderland and it was really funny because people didnt know what she was dressed up as but its a pretty obvious costume it lewked cool on her definately. i was a bear for halloween but they only had puppy ears so i pinned them into bear ears so i kind of looked like a reindeer haha. friday night we went to meet up with our friends stephanie and john. we were on our way to our friends party in pomona we got there around 10 and we didnt even get into the house it got rolled up really fast. so we went to our friends house who was having a get together and since it wasnt a costume party we were the only ones dressed upbut its okay it was almost halloween?.it was a really good get together i met some good people there and had some good talks. alexis drove my car home that night and for some reason she drives alot better when shes drunk. it was a stupendous night. halloween night i was planning to go to marks house to go trick r treating with him and watch movies at his place with his good friends and alexis. that plan didnt work out so well on halloween. i went with alexis to her friends party and i wouldn't leave her on halloween so it was just a bad plan. it made me really sad that i gave peoples hopes up that night and dissapointed some. nothing was intentional i just know i wouldnt leave alexis halloween night or ditch her any day. the party was really lame other than d lo and his band playing. it was really exciting and they were really great. i woke up really early this morning and didnt have such a good sleep. my dreams are getting more vivid every night. whenever i look my dreams up alot of them mean all the same things. i need to do what makes me happy and what i know will do me good even if it does hurt or will make me sad for a little. i dont want someone who will judge me and want me to be this certain person to them to make me into someone else. someone else that would please them in the way their used to. i woke up to an interesting call this morning from my dad and decided to try to go to school to be a chef.

<33

winter!

weeee! mt.high is opened and alexis and are going to mammoth this winter wee o weee!

today, thoughts, contemplating?

today was a good day. i helped ta my last class for a little bit and went home early. alexis and bryan carpooled from school home. alexis and i squeezed in my dads small fancy car. we went to korean food and it was so gewd! we came home i took a a nap and alexis said i was having a conversation to her in my sleep hahah ew. we went to starfunks and met up with jason and he bought us food. every thursday is our vampire diaries night.... and the main guy in there is such a babe, mmm. and im stil contemplating about what school im gonna go to and i cant make up my mind. i want to go to pasadena city college and take full units to experience different subjects but i also want to go to the school of arts for culinary to be a chef in la and i want to go to long beach junior college so ahh how do i know?!!!
but i told my mom tonight i loved and miss her and i forgive her. i realized last night i needed to move on from my past and not to ever forget my past to just not be troubled by it. it took me along time to learn how to "let go" i still dont quite understand it but im doing what i can to move on. theres still that one person who affected me so much in my past. its silly i know but im terrified of telling that certain person how i feel and how much he impacted my life and that everyday memories and such go through my mind, i just dont know how to let that go how to completely let go of everything and to move on. i guess everything takes time but ive been patient and its confusing sometimes. im also really glad i have alexis, steve,skot, and bobby without them i wouldnt have been able to get this far with letting go; our coffee times, smoke seshs, our wine gathering on the porch, wes anderson films, and good talks will come sewn enough <3 lub yew

dreams

so many weird dreams these past few days i looked up alot of what was in my dream and oddly it makes alot of sense and alexis and brother are having weird dreams too!

such bebs

<3

de bboop ba dabeep

so i officially hate my job. i copied hundreds of papers today for about an hour and a half sitting there then for another 30 minutes making the papers i copied neat. this job for me is just temporary so i can save up enough money to go to seattle and to move out in august so i guess i just have to push through and be thankful i even have a job right now. but i went to starfunks after work and headed to my alexis's and we talked about our crazy dreams we have been having and looked up the meanings and they really are so true. we went to yoshinoya and i was looking forward to some yummy miso soup when we got back to her house i told her dog to give me a hug and she knocked my miso over and ate it all :/ we also watched funniest home videos and it was alright. now were watching 2 fast 2 furious and talking about how good this makes us feel.....

thomas!

yesterday thomas and i decided to take a halloween picture.... zombiee keety!

best fwends....

we can read each others mind tehe.....

razzle dazzle rose

"we all carry within us our lace of exile, our crimes, our ravages. our task is not to unleash them on the world, it is to transform them in ourselves and other." -albert camus

today is a nice day it actually feels like were getting into winter and its amazing! life has been weird lately or just messy. i realized alot of things lately and i just been so incredibly numb these past few days and wondered why. i think memories, thoughts, happy thoughts, sad ones, and just being overwhelmed with life right now is the reason. i get attatched to people easily and i think its because im afraid of abandonment from past experiences but i cant be like this because in the end all i will have is myself and to love myself. friends and relationships come and go... but the ones who ride this rollercoaster with me in life are the ones who are genuine the ones who will stay and that you can completely put your guard down and give an equal amount of love to another and im pretty sure i found some bestfriends that i can feel that way with. chai luff yew guys....

hoot

"to be nobody but myself in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting" - ee cummings

a thousand years

so its 8:20 right now i dont need to leave to school till 9 and im happy about how i dont have a first anymore and for some reason when i have late start i tend to wake up early, earlier than usual. its odd. i quit smoking the other day and i must say the first few days are the hardest and that i need to take this by year but be positive about it. i am currently drinking my coffee and listening to the books. im under the blankies and it feels oh so good right now. im so thankful for my best fwend alexis hernandez. i dont know what i would do without her everyday and i hope you stay my friend forever. i miss you steve, bobby, adge, skot and tata very much. i think about you guys everyday and i dont know what i would of done without you guys. you guys pulled me out of the deep hole i was in and without you guys i wouldnt have had the strength to do that. im excited and looking forward to my mom coming down for thanksgiving i havent talked to her or seen her in a very long time and i hope it goes well :D i met someone new and i fancy him alot. i like how hes different and that he understands me when im awkward orbeing stubborn. he makes me smile everyday and im glad i met yew.